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Colour me your colour
To cover up love's alibi
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31st-Oct-2006 02:01 am - A good man is hard to find...
be happy, Don't worry
Nice guys. Are they real or is it just a dream? Yeah, they are real,but there is a catch. There always is. You see the nice guys are always taken in someway. They may not be with someone, but there is always a reason that they can't be with you. It could be that they have a broken heart or they are leaving,but there is always a reason. Sometimes the nice girl finds the nice guy,but for some reason it just won't work. So the nice girl ends up heart broken and alone. She then turns into a bad girl. Is this some vicious cycle? Maybe there are just more nice girls than there are boys. So what should the nice girls do? Do they keep themselves protected by not getting involved or do they venture out with the hope that maybe this time there won't be a catch? This is my question to myself? I just need to find the answer, but honestly I am scared to find out. I am tired of being scared. So the real question is how do you stop? "Courage is not the absence of fear, but the knowledge that there is something greater that must be accomplished." I don't know who said it, but perhaps I need to find faith that there is something great to be accomplished. So my decision is simply this: "Let us go than you and I when the evening is spread out against the sky."- T.S. Eliot. There is so much more to that poem than that simple line. In the end, the author reminds us that there will be time. So, I'm just going to take my time. I am sure that this won't make sense to anyone, but I'm glad that I took the time to write it out.
11th-Oct-2006 02:16 pm - Please make it go away.
be happy, Don't worry
I hate being scared. I hate being insecure. I hate having to look at her pictures on your computer. I hate knowing that you spent a lot of your time with her and not me on vacation. I hate wondering if you wished you had spent all your time with her. I hae having to face the truth. I wish I didn't have to be reminded. Why can't those pictures just disappear. Why don't you take pictures of me like that? Why don't I feel good enough? Am I good enough? I don't know anymore. I hate most of all that I just don't know anymore. Do you get tired of looking at my face? Do you get tired of hearing my voice? Do you wish that she lived here? What if she did live here? What would you do? Do you still talk to her? Would you tell me if you did talk to her? Would you keep things secret? How can I trust you? How do you trust me? I have all these questions, but I can't seem to get the courage to ask one of them. I am too afraid of the answers. I HATE THESE DAMN QUESTIONS!
3rd-Oct-2006 05:06 pm - will you read me, please?
be happy, Don't worry
Love. Love is such a tricky thing. Love can make you feel powerful, invicible, special, happy, crazy,yet it can make you feel sad, lonely, confused, frustrated, and scared. Love can do so much. Sometimes we let the love we have for others define who we are, and when this happens we sometimes end up hurt. So the question is should we not love at all? No, we should defintly love. I don't know where I would be without love. It is the driving force behind my day. I want to show the people that I love just how much they mean to me. I don't want them to ever wonder. I want them to be happy, and I want to be happy. That's it.
Life has been crazy for the past week. My grandma was in the hospital for eight days, and now she is in a rehabilitation center. She won't be coming home for another 28 days. My grandaddy is so sad without her. He misses her so much. He still sees her every day, but it's not the same. They have been together for 53 years. It's amazing to watch them together. Yes, they have had their problems, but in the end they love each other more than anything else. Spending this past week with my family has reminded me of what is really important in life. Love is what is important. I love my family and friends. I wouldn't be here without them. I owe them so much. Thank you.

Love actually does exist...
be happy, Don't worry
Life in Tallahassee is going good. I started work this past Sunday. It's a little slower than I expected, but I'm hoping it picks up. If it doesn't get busier, I may have to transfer to a different store. All of the people are nice, so far. I miss a lot of people back home. I don't miss the place, but I do miss the people. I have been doing a lot of thinking about my life lately and all the changes I have made. Around Thanksgiving, I made some haste decisions which leave me know wondering about all the what haves, and could'ves. I don't understand why somethings happened the way they did, but I just need to accept them. I am happy here. I like my life. I just wish I could stop feeling like I wasn't good enough. I don't know if I was or not. Does anybody know? I guess that it doesn't matter or that is what I keep telling myself. I'm rambling which is the sign for me to stop. I hope all is well back in Pace/Pensacola.

love you all,

11th-Mar-2006 03:14 am - The day has come...
be happy, Don't worry
I did it. I moved to Tallahassee. Corrin and I packed up here Chevy Blazer on Thursday,and hit the road. I signed my lease today, and it feels wonderful. I am finally independent. I start work again on Sunday which should be interesting. I have 3 roommates, but I have only met 2 of them. They seem really cool.I have to admit that I miss some people back home. It's weird not having them around. I wish that they could come and see my apartment. Unfortunately, my wonderful fish died today. I ask that all of you take a moment to remember Ahab. He was a great fish and friend. R.I.P. Ahab.

If you truly care about me than I hope to see you in Tallahassee.
be happy, Don't worry
Well, I am finally making a move. I am moving away from here. I'm leaving Pace in 26 days. I am headed to Tallahassee. It's not that far,but it's far enough. It is time for me to leave this town. There is nothing for me here. I need to get away, and see what else is out there. I plan on attending FSU. Yes, I will work. I am so excited about moving, but I will miss some people. Hopefully, they will come visit me. I'm excited about my life for the first time in a while.
be happy, Don't worry
Well Christmas has come and gone, and another "new" year is approaching. So much has changed in the last month. Changes that I never saw coming. I'm stuck in a turning point, but I don't know where I am turning. School starts in about 2 weeks, and I'm not enrolled in any classes, and I don't even know if I'm going to school this semester. I want to go to school,but there are obstacles to be overcome first. All these changes have happened so fast that I feel as if I haven't even taken the time to reflect on them. I don't know if I want to reflect or if I should. Maybe I should just keep going on this crazy ride. It really isn't crazy, but when you are a bore like me then it is crazy. I'm happy. Not as happy as I could be, but I'm working on it. I have met an amazing person. He has been nothing but kind to me, and I don't know why. I'm stunned by it. At times, I feel unknown. I wonder if there is anyone out there who really knows me. It doesn't matter if there is or not. I'm glad that I'm a nobody. So this amazing guy is about to leave to go out of town for new years, and I know he is going to have the time of his life. Eventually he will have to come back here. I know that he won't want to come home even though I am here. I have realized that I will never be enough to make this place seem worth while. It's okay. What do I expect? Nothing, right? I had a good Christmas and I hope all of you did as well. I am sorry for disappointing others. It seems that disappointment is what I'm good at. I am sad that you are dropping me as a friend. It is time for me to go. I feel like a new person, but I don't know who it is. Give me time. I'm adjusting. I just don't think that I am very good at it. My Christmas wish is to be noticed. Truly noticed. Someone tell me that you know me and you see me.
8th-Nov-2005 12:27 pm - Let's ride on our enemies...
be happy, Don't worry
I'm beginning to think that I write in this journal for my own amusement. I know that no one really cares what is going on with my life. Oh well, such is life. I got a puppy. Someone just threw them out of their car right in front of my house. My mom picked him up, and now he is mine. His name is Sampson. He is the greatest thing ever. I now have a cat,a dog, and a fish! I broke my cell phone, and I have no idea how I did it. I think that I'm getting it fixed today. I hope I am. Work is going good. In a month, I will start training to become a real bartender. I'm excited. Liquor...wohoo! My life is pretty much routine,so I'm going to shut up now. I have a question though. Apparently there is this rap song and it tells one to "shake that laffy taffy." What is laffy taffy? I have no idea. So if anyone knows, please enlighten me.
17th-Oct-2005 12:09 pm(no subject)
be happy, Don't worry
So,I lost my cell phone on Saturday. I missed Lauren's party because I can't remember numbers. I tried dialing what I thought was her cellphone,but I got some weird cranky person. I have her present, but I don't know when she will get it. Maybe I will mail it to her. Life is extremely hetic right now. I have midterms this week,and I'm trying to get everything that I need for the wedding I'm in on Saturday. Yes, I'm a bridesmaid. "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride." Well, I need to study. Lauren: HATE ME FOREVER! I'M A HORRIBLE FRIEND!
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